Dear Fiona,
Is doing an extension immoral? Because our neighbours seem to think it is. And I know that because they’ve posted letters through our door saying so. It’s not ideal; we haven’t even met them, or indeed even moved in (we’re renting while the building work is done – though that hasn’t started either) and it’s a house that we were hoping to live in forever (or at least a very long time) and I had so hoped to find a community around me.
The house in question is in London – where an extension is hardly uncommon – but extraordinarily, says the letter-writer, no one else has ever done any building work on this particular street, which is a lovely quiet street, hence why we chose it. The neighbour who is behind the letters (but says he speaks for the whole street) lives three doors down and has basically been here since time immemorial (I’ve searched records of that house being sold.) While I know that we’re not doing anything illegal, I am now worried that maybe we really are ruining everyone’s peace; apparently lots of people on the street work from home and I know that our neighbours on the other side have young children. Is what we’re doing ‘wrong’? Maybe we should have done as our letter-writing friend has suggested, and either decided we were satisfied with the house as it was, or bought “in an oligarch-studded area where ridiculous iceberg extensions are par for the course.” (We’re not oligarchs, by any means, and although we are digging out the basement, it’s only to make it useable – all the houses have them but in their natural c.1880 state, they’re low-ceilinged cellars.)
My husband says that I’m being ridiculous, but we’re planning to start a family and I just don’t think that I can do it somewhere everybody hates me and so am genuinely considering calling a halt to the whole thing – or at least pressing pause until we’ve lived there for a bit. Because I also wonder if we’re rushing it. And I can’t sleep and feel sick about it all of the time. There have been six letters now, all saying roughly the same thing – though the last one had some extraordinary addendum about parking and access and called me selfish and immoral. What do I do about the letters?
With love,
A People Pleaser XX
Dear People Pleaser
Gosh – I’m so sorry about the letters, and how they’re making you feel. It might be a lovely quiet street, but – before you go too much further second guessing your proposed plan – please know that this quantity of letter-writing is verging on harassment, regardless of whether what you are doing is right or wrong. And, evidently, it’s not legally wrong – for I imagine that you have got planning permission. At the same time you’re right that there’s a difference between technically correct and morally correct – the proof being the existence of tax loopholes – but as to an extension, “is it really a moral question?” asks Brandon Schubert, who has just undertaken significant building work and extended his flat in London.
It's true that there are circumstances where morals might be a valid consideration, “try to avoid building on top of graveyards,” says Matthew Claridge, Director of the Architectural Design Studio at Sibyl Colefax & John Fowler – and certainly Thomas Hardy was scarred by his part in moving the graves at St. Pancras Old Church to make way for the railway. “We late-lamented, resting here,/ Are mixed to human jam” he wrote, years later, in a poem entitled The Levelled Churchyard. (For further discouragement, Matthew mentions Steven Spielberg’s Poltergeist.) Similarly, dislodging “Natterjack toads, Great Crested Newts or Pipstrel Bats,” is problematic, Matthew continues, suggesting that if you find those while planning an extension you should either “move house, or open a nature reserve.” And Brandon mentions historical preservation – which he believes should be prioritised over “comfort, money, and light-filled kitchens.”
However, continues Brandon, all those things are regulated, and well-policed “through listed building rules, conservation area committees and the like.” Which isn’t to say that people won’t still disagree with what another person is doing with their land or property, indeed, such disputes “might be the most litigated area of legal system, he says (remember Brandon was a lawyer before he – phew for us – became an interior designer.) This means that the laws that we do have, whether to do with planning or nuisance (for it strikes me that the complaints you are receiving are really about the latter) are so thorough that “what possible role does morality have to play?” he asks. What’s more, as you correctly identify, there’s a greater number of extensions done in London than in any other place in Britain – largely because the price of property being what it is, it’s cheaper to do as you are doing than to buy a larger house, and I imagine that’s exactly why you are doing what you are. It’s pure chance that you’ve inadvertently found yourself approaching building work on the only – apparently – untouched street. And I say ‘apparently’ because I can guarantee that your neighbours will have rearranged floor plans and plumbing since the houses were built c.1880, unless there’s a street-wide cos play deal of which you are unaware (which would be slightly weird.)
So that is the first issue dealt with – and now, onto the letters. The first thing I’ll say is that the fact that they’re all from the same person could be viewed as a good thing. This person may claim to speak for the street, but there’s every chance that they don’t, and that this person is in fact an irritant to the street, the type who complains if someone doesn’t bring their bins in fast enough on bin day, or who tells others that their gardens are letting the side down. The second thing I’d like to point out is that they’ve signed the letters, so this is not an anonymous campaign – and the guidance given by Citizens Advice is to go and talk to the neighbour in question. You may find that by introducing yourself and putting a face to the perceived problem, you improve the situation and even – potentially - allay their fears. For often there is an element of that at the heart of these matters, and their mention of parking and access is a good place to start. You imply they might be elderly; if they are dependent on carers or deliveries or visits from family, it would explain that worry - perhaps you can reassure them that you will not be blocking the road? Equally make sure that you tell your Site Manager (“a good Site Manger is worth their weight in lead,” says Matthew) that any parking outside their house is a no-no.
And then, this charm offensive can be extended. For your having the upper hand (in legal terms) does not preclude empathising with your neighbours, and there are ways of doing building work in a considerate fashion, which is especially important given your hopes to find yourself part of a community. Your sign off being what it is, you might already have thought about all this, but just in case not, see the below as a cut-out-and-keep people-pleasing guide to putting up new walls.
As much as you can, introduce yourself and your Site Manager, in person, to everybody; tell them how excited you are about moving to the street, and simultaneously attempt to do the same for them as I’ve suggested you do for your new pen pal. For example, you mention that there is a young family living next door – you could enquire as to their children’s nap times, and ask your builders to avoid doing overly noisy work during those hours. Further, I would suggest ensuring that everybody is warned about days that there’ll be very dusty work – so that they can close their windows – and, if your builders are going to be working on a Saturday (which is legal, up until 1pm, though there is some variance between local authorities) maybe avoid early morning drilling. Once you’ve started, some of your neighbours may appreciate receiving the odd update – perhaps, if they do occasionally go into an office, they’ll want to know which days it might be particularly advisable to go in. It goes without saying that you should make sure that your builders clear up properly after themselves every day – and know that some people have paid for the regular cleaning of their neighbours’ windows while building work is ongoing. Some, in fact, go further, delivering cases of wine along the street (quite the deal sweetener!) And then, “once complete, invite everyone around for a cuppa or a glass of fizz – you never know, next year they might build an extension themselves,” says Matthew (which, naturally, you’ll have to be understanding of.)
Because that’s the thing about a neighbourhood – it’s about tolerance of each other and trying to make things better for each other while also endeavouring to live as you intend. I cannot tell you if you’re rushing this extension incidentally, for I have not seen your plans – but I hope that they are well thought out, and I suspect that they are. For I also suspect that your sudden panic was brought on by the letters, and I hope that now, armed with a course of action, that panic is subsiding. I can’t absolutely promise that it’s all going to be okay – if the letters don’t stop and the harassment steps up then you might need to contact Citizens Advice yourself (the details are here) – but you will, at least, know that you’ve done nothing wrong, legally or morally, and, what’s more, that you’ve done your best to make it a bearable experience.
So good luck with the build! I hope it goes smoothly, to deadline, and to budget – and that, soon, you’re able to move in to your new and improved house, knowing that all this was worthwhile.
With love
Fiona XX
